11
Sep

Unbiased opinions needed about moving back to my hometown?

   Posted by: admin   in Kingman Az Jobs

I live in Phoenix and I love it here – been here 10 years, have a job I enjoy, and the opportunities for me are amazing. I escaped from my hometown because it wasn’t offering me anything I wanted for my life…but my mentally ill (adult) son hates it in Phoenix and went back to where he grew up. He is currently homeless since he doesn’t want to live with me in the big city, – and he begs me to move back to Kingman, AZ, so he will have a safe place to stay and someone he trusts to help him. I’m torn because I want to do what’s best for my only child who needs me, but hate the small town mentality of my hometown. There aren’t many job opportunities for me in such a small community, and besides my son, the only other people I really care about there are my parents.

Objective opinions – what would YOU do in a situation like this? What would you say is the RIGHT thing to do?
Since my son is mentally ill and my parents are elderly, the made the difficult decision not to let him live with them. He’s been very destructive and unkind to them in the past when they DID allow him to stay there.
I don’t think I could afford the fuel to travel back and forth so frequently – the two places are 200 miles apart.

Your son is mentally ill so his decisions are clouded and not the best. You need to stay where you are able to succeed. He clearly does not need to live with your parents. So who else does that leave? Friends? No friend is gonna support a mentally ill friend for very long. Eventually they will choose what is best for them. As far as safety, are you talking about it is safer to live on the streets in your hometown? Because it isn’t safe anywhere to live on the streets.

Your son is an adult. And yes, he is mentally ill. But as I am sure you are aware of, he has a right to do as he pleases. He can choose not to take his medication and not to comply with his treatment. And if he is living on the streets, he had made his choice.

As selfish as some may think it is, you have to do what is right for you. You need a great job with benefits and retirement because your son is not going to be able to care for you when you are elderly and need help. You need to be in a town where you can have a life. And it seems as if you are.

You can find programs that will help him to maintain an independent life with mental illness either in your current town or your hometown and give him the information and provide him the initial transportation there, but that is about it. He either choose to get help or not. You cannot destroy your life to save a person that does not want saving. Child or not.

I would suggest that prior to doing anything you look for a support group in your area for parents of mentally ill children. And go there and talk to people who have been in your shoes. Here is a place to start. http://www.mhaarizona.org/index.html

This entry was posted on Friday, September 11th, 2009 at 7:19 pm and is filed under Kingman Az Jobs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

6 comments so far

bally
 1 

its a trade off between family and work…if i were in this situation i would move back to help my son and also be close to my parents. yes the work would not pay as much and the small town mentality would bug me but the comfort my soul will eventually et from being close to my family would compensate for all the material things lost
References :

September 12th, 2009 at 12:29 am
envyme
 2 

can your son not stay with your parents, life is short, material things that a good job can buy mean nothing when time is lost wiht those you love that NEED you, do this… go home and become a big fish in a small pond, start a business, but if you choose to stay, why not promise your son that you will visit him at your parents house or wherever he needs to be ( not homeless) every other weekend adn stick to it, see if the train has a scheduled run there.
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September 12th, 2009 at 12:47 am
ant t
 3 

You can’t care for your son if you’re jobless. He needs to know that you can care for him and support him IN PHOENIX And..because you have been a resident of Phoenix for 10 years, it may be easier for you to get the help YOU need. Good Luck!!! (You might have to start with social services in Kingman so that you can get help in dealing with adult social services)
References :

September 12th, 2009 at 1:13 am
Donni-Jay
 4 

You should not move back there.

You can still love your son, and support him when you can, but the sacrifice of moving back where you know you will not be happy, possibly even find yourself in financial trouble for not finding a job quickly, or one you like, is not worth it.

As he turned down your offer for him to live with you, you should not feel guilty in the slightest. The life you lead is important and YOU matter very much. It is difficult to feel content nowadays, and you seem to feel good about where you are.

Just think of this…If you moved, you would go through an insecure time, might not find a job for ages, it might be one you dislike, but had to take…

And, as all children go through wanting their independence, he may not stay with you long anyway, then you would have sacrificed yourself totally for nothing! He is an adult and is making his own choices.

If I were you, I would stay exactly where I was!
References :

September 12th, 2009 at 1:46 am
James Watkin
 5 

Your son is mentally ill so his decisions are clouded and not the best. You need to stay where you are able to succeed. He clearly does not need to live with your parents. So who else does that leave? Friends? No friend is gonna support a mentally ill friend for very long. Eventually they will choose what is best for them. As far as safety, are you talking about it is safer to live on the streets in your hometown? Because it isn’t safe anywhere to live on the streets.

Your son is an adult. And yes, he is mentally ill. But as I am sure you are aware of, he has a right to do as he pleases. He can choose not to take his medication and not to comply with his treatment. And if he is living on the streets, he had made his choice.

As selfish as some may think it is, you have to do what is right for you. You need a great job with benefits and retirement because your son is not going to be able to care for you when you are elderly and need help. You need to be in a town where you can have a life. And it seems as if you are.

You can find programs that will help him to maintain an independent life with mental illness either in your current town or your hometown and give him the information and provide him the initial transportation there, but that is about it. He either choose to get help or not. You cannot destroy your life to save a person that does not want saving. Child or not.

I would suggest that prior to doing anything you look for a support group in your area for parents of mentally ill children. And go there and talk to people who have been in your shoes. Here is a place to start. http://www.mhaarizona.org/index.html
References :

September 12th, 2009 at 2:17 am
lay1 m
 6 

i must say that i am in a very similiar position and my heart goes out to you in your time of decision making. i am scheduled to go back to iraq in about 3 weeks (contractor) and my 18 year old is going into the navy. i’m not sure if he is ready for such an adventure, but i know he NEEDS to stand up and be a productive youngman. he is not mentally ill, but VERY spoiled and i truly wonder if he will be successful. i lost my father 5 years ago, but have an elderly mother, though i must say she gets along pretty well and i have a wonderful ex-sister-in-law that I thank God for.
anyway, i have made the decision to go and do what is best for me and my family. i have been a teacher for 12 years and i can’t do the same things for them with that salary. i know money isn’t everything, but it does make a difference in everyday life. if you are anything like me, then financial burdens will cause you stress!!
best of luck with your decision
References :

September 12th, 2009 at 2:52 am